Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Well, that was a bit of a longer break than I intended! Who knew having builders in your house could suck out the creative spirit in a girl to such an extent!
Anyhoo The Builders have almost gone, just the skirting boards to go on. We spent last week laying the floor downstairs and then it's just all the niggly finishing little jobs for us to do, carpet the bedrooms, plumb back in the sink, get an oven, hob, kitchen, you know the little things that make a house a home. Oh joy.
So rather than doing any of that, I'm back blogging! The computer is back downstairs in it's new home in the kitchen, which is slightly more comfy than the bedroom floor! As having the builders in has taken over most of this year, I'd thought I'd write a mini survival guide/ top tips that I've learnt to having your house taken apart and then thrown back together. Though this all probably quite academic to most people, we do seem to be the only people to have got to their 40's without the help of The Builders.
Tip no.1: When The Builders show up, if you hear the theme tune to 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly', and see tumble weed rolling down the street, take that as a bad omen.
No.2: Prepare mentally for the dust.
No.3: Prepare mentally for more dust.
No.4: Prepare mentally for EVEN MORE DUST, in every single crevice you can imagine. With a light sprinkling of dust on top for good measure. I was warned, but didn't fully believe in The Legend of the Dust. I believe now.
No.5: When they take away your kitchen sink and you find it necessary to wash up in the bath. Remember to rinse out UNDER the bath mat. There will be a bit of pasta lurking there and nobody really needs carbohydrates in their bath.
No.6: Developing very laissez-faire approach to household hygiene saves a lot of stress. A kinda had a head start on this one.....
No.7: Get a sense of humour. Essential bit of kit this. "What's that you say? That hulking bit of metal holding up the back of my house is the wrong sized joist? Hilarious! I laugh in the face of ineffective steel!" Funnily enough my local supermarket is currently sold right out of the 'Humour package', but I do believe they are available online at www. Or eat chocolate, worked just as well.
No.8: Get a proper builders calendar. You know, the ones that shows tomorrow (as in I'll be there tomorrow) actually is officially a week on Tuesday.
No.9: The vet will give your cat tranquilisers if he gets stressed by the build! Pussy Prozac!! I've been laughing about this for months, can't believe I didn't blog it before.
No.10: Installing big sliding glass doors is a really good idea. Where else can the cat smear muddy paw prints to such great effect?.....oh, quite a few places as it turns out. Mind, if you look at it at the right angle when Mr.Fishy is in full scratch at the door mode there is more than a passing resemblance to the 'Scream' by Munch.
No.10: Real advice this time, Make sure you like your builder, we did and it worked out fine, though he was here so long I had a dilemma as to whether I should register him on our electoral role.
I think I'd best go and do something now, the short people of the Shires have had a VERY long wait for trouser alterations.
Now Mr. Fishy, where did you leave that Prozac?